Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
