But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
