sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
