Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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