i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
