One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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