Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
