you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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