i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
