Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
