I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
