Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
