When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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