I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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