Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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