sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
