I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This girl is more easily done than said...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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