She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
