she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drunk is a universal language darling
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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