My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
