Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
