so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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