Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
