i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
