So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
