I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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