just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
