he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
