Who wears a wallet chain?!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
