why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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