It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
