so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
