my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
