We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
