I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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