Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
