No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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