was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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