operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize