Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize