Porn is love you can see.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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