when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
