I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Someone came in the potted fern
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
