she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
