I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
