So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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