I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
