And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you will always have a special place in my vag
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
