my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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