im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
