I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
