Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
