I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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