When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
