I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
