I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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