you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
