never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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