the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
