Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
